Your team lost and you know why. The jersey, the chair, the wings order, the fact you said the thing. Are you a real MFer? Prove it.
Take a deep breath. It's not healthy to keep this inside. Tell us what you did. The football gods are watching — but they're also laughing.
The football gods will see this. Probably won't help. But still.
Real confessions from real NFL fans who know, deep down, it was their fault, MFers.
brought my girlfriend to her first ever browns game. she said "this is fun!" in the first quarter. if you know you know. we have not won a game she has attended. she is 0-4 now. love her to death but she watches from home now. we have an understanding.
went into the dolphins sub after week 5 and said "enjoy watching rodgers cook you next week" in like four different threads. we lost 34-3. they found my comments and one of them is now my most downvoted post of all time. i earned this.
talked absolute garbage to my lions fan coworker all week. printed out the standings. put it on his desk. we lost by 30 on monday night. tuesday morning he had printed the box score and taped it to MY desk. HR got involved. worth it? no. no it was not.
my 8 year old asked me "daddy when did the patriots stop being good" during the third quarter. i had no answer. i still have no answer. we lost by 24. he has started watching basketball. i am losing him.
THE ONE TIME i don't wear the cheesehead. the ONE time. "it's uncomfortable" i said. "i look ridiculous" i said. yeah you know what looked ridiculous? that second half. i have superglued the cheesehead to a helmet. it does not come off now.
told everyone at the bar "stroud is him. this is a lock." THE BALL WAS NOT EVEN KICKED OFF YET. three and out first drive. my buddy just looked at me and said "you did this." i did. i know i did.
i have a group chat called "SUPER BOWL OR BUST" that i started in september. changed my twitter name to "Lions Dynasty Loading." bought the NFC champions shirt on amazon before the game. THE HUBRIS. niners by 10. the group chat is now named "Emotional Damage".
ok this is going to sound insane but we were winning when i was eating the loaded nachos and losing when i switched to the buffalo chicken dip. i went back and forth THREE TIMES to confirm. the nachos are the answer. the dip is cursed. my wife thinks i need help. she might be right.
first season i actually have hope and what do i do?? i buy new gear. new hat, new shirt, new flag for the porch. you NEVER buy new gear when things are going well. everyone knows this. commanders fans have been burned enough and i went and provoked the universe anyway.
posted a 3 paragraph essay on r/nfl about how the bucs window was closed and brady was never coming back. very detailed. stats and everything. we lost. the reply was just a screenshot of the final score. 47 upvotes on their reply. zero on my essay. the internet is undefeated.
Said the pats had about 5 seconds where we weren’t just absolute beauties and that the Super Bowl was guaranteed against a red head
hosted a watch party. put out a FRUIT PLATTER. for a raiders game. grapes and melon slices next to the TV while our defense gave up 31 points. my buddy texted the group chat "never again at rita's" and nobody disagreed. fruit has no place on game day and i know that now.
Wore the new Mahomes jersey my husband got me instead of the lucky one with the BBQ stain on the sleeve. Lost by three. The stained jersey is back in the rotation. The new one is in the donate pile. My husband understands.
Switched from the right couch cushion to the left at halftime because my back hurt. Daniel Jones fumbled three times in the third. Coincidence? I will let MetLife decide. The cushion knows what it did.
Switched from the recliner to the couch in the third quarter because the dog wanted to sit with me. Packers gave up 21 unanswered. The recliner is now off-limits to the dog. And me. We have assigned seating now.
Sat on the remote and switched to the cooking channel right as Purdy dropped back on fourth and goal. By the time I got back he had already thrown the pick. My wife says I looked like I saw a ghost. She is not wrong.
Stopped doing the E-A-G-L-E-S chant before the fourth quarter because my voice was gone. Eagles gave up a 14-point lead. My neighbors heard me trying to whisper-chant in my backyard at 11pm. They called it unsettling.
Decided to be present and read a book while the game played in the background. Lost 31 to 10. Apparently the Chargers need me yelling at the television. I have put the book down. I will not be present again until February.
ok so my wife told me DO NOT wash the Allen jersey. I said babe it smells like nachos and sadness. she said THAT IS THE POINT. I washed it. three picks in the first half. she hasn't spoken to me since the AFC championship. we are in counseling now. the jersey is a topic.
switched from old style to a WHITE CLAW in the third quarter. a white claw. at soldier field. my dead grandfather is rolling over. minnesota scored twice and honestly i deserved it. im back on old style. forever. i owe this city an apology.
lmaooo I literally said "this is our year" IN SEPTEMBER. then i TEXTED it to my dad. in writing. week 12 we were 4-7. he still has not responded to that text. it has been 3 months. i respect his silence honestly. i would ghost me too.
hear me out - the pierogies need to be timed EXACTLY to the second half. i made them in the first quarter like an idiot. ravens scored four straight. pittsburgh twitter found my post about it and roasted me for three days. they were right to.
With nine seconds left I said out loud, to my dog, "we are going to the Super Bowl." The dog looked at me like I was an idiot. Now I know why the dog looked at me like I was an idiot.